What’s the Difference?

At our recent Neighborhood Egg Hunt, I passed out question cards to our guests as they arrived. As I handed each person their card, I invited them to find someone they did not already know and to ask them the question they’d just received. I’m sure it seemed like an odd request. 

I imagine quite a few people were thinking, “Why?”

“Why should I approach a person I don’t know? And why — of all things — should I ask them a question? You know, I just came so my 3 year-old could get some candy.” 

I get it. It’s not normal. It could be awkward.

But the “why” is what makes the work of Community Happens Here unique. And though it’s challenging to accomplish and sometimes tricky to explain, it’s what makes our work worth it. 

Many of us live under the illusion that if people simply come into the same space, they will automatically begin to know each other. We’ll naturally and easily cross the gulf of differences both tiny and large, perceived and real. 

Sadly, that’s just not true. 

The difference comes when our underlying intentions change. 

A Case In Point

Consider this example: Imagine you step into the childrens’ area of the Cincinnati Art Museum. You’ll see individual groupings of adults and children, enjoying the offerings of arts and activities. And that is super cool. But, there is nothing at work to create a connection between each of those people. Sometimes – thankfully – our children do what is natural to them and start playing with each other. In those moments,  we caregivers might tentatively, and with some relief, begin to talk with each other. But rarely does that result in a continuing connection.

I am deeply interested in the question of how to facilitate sustained connection across difference. 

You would think that question would have some easy answers. In one sense, the answer is so obvious as to be banal:
1. Talk to Others, and then
2. Introduce Those People to Other People

But…. it’s not that simple. 

Take two women who (I’m happy to say) decided to meet at CHH during Sidewalk Hospitality on Saturday to let their two boys hang out with each other. They participated in the art, relaxed and chatted, and were happy to be served a beverage. Things were pleasant. So I decided I’d better disrupt in a good way. I deliberately brought our two student volunteers over, and asked them to introduce themselves to our guests. These two young women were 7th graders, and friends with each other, but had never met our guests before.

As it happens, neither of our volunteers looked like the women they were meeting. It took a bit of prodding to begin the conversation. But in a few minutes I left them together to chat. 

It may never go farther than that. But in that moment, four people learned that they can, in fact, connect across difference - whether those differences be age, economics, life experience, or all the other things that mark us and allow us to keep each other at a distance.

It Takes Practice

We believe deeply that this practice of reaching across boundaries to connect with others is key to creating a resilient community. And though I struggle every day with doubt:
“Am I doing enough?”
”Is this work gaining traction?”
”Does it matter?”
“Can it really do anything to push back against the waves and waves of bad stuff out there?”
I keep coming back to the idea that if we cannot do this much at least - now, here, in our neighborhood - there will always be people so scared of each other that they shoot the young men who come to their front door.

It’s up to each of us to “Talk to Strangers”. 

And, I hope, we are creating a model, a space, and a practice at Community Happens Here that teaches, practices and allows connection to start and to grow.

How Can You Connect with the Work? 

Come visit during Sidewalk Hospitality every Saturday from 11am-1pm, and every Tuesday all summer (from June 7 to August 12).  Ask a young person to make you a beverage. Then, ask them their name and tell them yours. Look across the art table and offer someone a question that helps reveal yourselves to each other. You can bring people together and facilitate their connections. 

It is so rare for us to go to a gathering or public event and come away with a new connection – no matter what else was great or inspiring about the event. 

You can change that.